Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize