hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
