Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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