if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need moral support for this bender
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
