About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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