I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize