hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
