You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
