if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
