I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
