Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
