I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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