we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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