she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
