so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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