Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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