god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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