i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
