You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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