Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
