i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
