You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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