happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
