you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
