Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
