I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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