I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he thought i was a dude.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
