Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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