And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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