Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
