Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
