all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize