she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
