you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
