I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize