its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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