At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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