i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
