i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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