false alarm. still invincible.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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