i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
