he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My penis needs a shock collar
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A bitchslap is in order.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
