I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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