That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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