Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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