margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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