just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
