all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
