I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And then my night got REAL pukey
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
