One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
