Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
