I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
