Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
