hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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