I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
