my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
