He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
