She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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