Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize