I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
