im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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