dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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