YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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