i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
