No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
