No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
