all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Even my vagina gasped.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have started to decorate penises.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
