I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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