"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
