so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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