he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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