ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
