apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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