Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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