bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
