he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize