I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
did you just send me my own nude
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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