Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
