I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
