Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
