Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
