I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I party with great urgency now.
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