i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
