So drunk its hurt
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
