I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
