You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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