Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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