I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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