Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All the doctor said was why
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
