just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
