wake up i wanna do it froggy style
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
