Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
