Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
