Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
