And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
