really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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