Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize