I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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