I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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