Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
