We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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