doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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