what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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