I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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