don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
