We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
