exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
